dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
