I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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