Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
