I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
