vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
