Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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