i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
now i know why i became what i already was.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
