I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
