You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
