this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
