...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
