he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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