Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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