At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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