Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
