If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
