I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i was born a porn star she said
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
