Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
