So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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