So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
