The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
