I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
