You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
