I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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