and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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