I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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