I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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