I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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