I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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