Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
