Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
