I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
