could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
