I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
