like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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