I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
