either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
