I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
