Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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