I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
