I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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