I can text with my tongue
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
