the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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