so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
