I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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