Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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