you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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