Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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