I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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