stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
